Holy crap, this year is so much different than last and it’s only been four days.
As soon as midnight hit, I expected to feel the same exuberance, wanting to get out every possible word I could before I had to get to sleep early for work in the morning, and just outright indulge in it. Instead, I found myself nervous, stalling, and uncertain.
My wordcount at least is keeping up with where I was last time, somewhat, but I’m going fully chronological this time and not straying from the time line. This feels more like the first year I did this event because there was a lot of uncertainty, but that year I waited until midday to start my novel, and I didn’t have a 90k win under my belt giving me a standard to work toward.
The way I’m going now at least, I may have 50k by the middle of the month. It’s not so unheard of to have people winning in the first week, but that just boggles me like crazy.
I’ve had a slew of problems, including wanting to switch novels and work on something else, not feeling confident in what I’m currently working on, and feeling like I haven’t put any kind of thought or accuracy into language, barriers for it, and most of all, the personalities of each character.
This year is a hell of a lot tougher than last, which, honestly, makes me think of the comparison of NaNoWriMo versus marathons. The New York City Marathon in fact, was on November 2, if you didn’t hear, and I had a thought about it after hearing that some people didn’t finish it.
“Why wouldn’t you finish a marathon?” Same reason you couldn’t finish 50k words. It’s hard. There was no way of getting to it, but the thing is that you did it, you put in a hell of a lot of effort, but in the end, you saw that you just couldn’t finish.
It is not unlike feeling like you stretched yourself too thin or that you didn’t pace yourself well enough, but it can be done. It will be, if you will it. If you find yourself needing to duck out to the side lines, don’t beat yourself up. It happens. You are not any less of a writer for it. Sometimes, we don’t have the time to commit, or the ability.
I intend to win this, though, and I know I can. Even if the wordcount updater refuses to work for me. Which, to my knowledge, they are still working on, I think, for anyone who’s curious.
Ugh. Okay. Back to writing. Happy wordcount to all who are doing this! And good luck!
– The Novice Wordsmith