Tag Archives: depression

You Matter – National Suicide Prevention Day

This strays from what the blog is centered on, but this day has a big enough importance to me that it deserves the attention I’m going to give it.

I can start off by saying something about Robin Williams, but I know this disease is gripping more people around the community, the country, and the world, than simply to just give one example. He is the biggest example at the moment, for those who haven’t seen this up close, but I am willing to bet, with how many people follow my blog, and with how prevalent depression is, that there isn’t at least someone who’s lost a friend, or a family member, or a classmate, to suicide.

And the worst of all is that I’m sure one or two of you may have thought about it yourself. I used to.

I lost someone very dear to me to suicide. It was probably the most difficult thing I’d ever gone through, and I still remember sitting up at night, crying, saying that I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Because it’s not fair. It hurts, bad.

My biggest plea is that you matter. You mean something to any person in your family, in your group of friends. There is so much more to you than a noose waiting in the closet, or the balcony outside of the hotel room at the seventh floor.

Backing up just a second, for those who haven’t gone through this, it may not have as much of a meaning. It may just be another day, another well-meaning organization is trying to boost awareness, and that’s that, let me elaborate on that:

To Write Love on Her Arms heads this day. They started back in 2006, I believe, where people would simply write love on their arms. I remember hearing about them through high school, and that’s the target, typically, for them. Teenage kids who are going through bullying, who are going through a very rough time, but they exempt no one. Their biggest effort is to get people to understand that it is a disease, and that it can turn someone into something that they aren’t. That, ultimately, suicide is something that they convince themselves that is the only way out.

IT ISĀ NOT THE ONLY WAY OUT.

It isn’t. There is so much more you can do. I know it’s hard to get out of bed, I’ve seen it. I know it’s hard to try and smile, to try and do anything else but cry, but don’t force yourself if that’s all you can do. It’s okay to feel so much, but you have friends, online or in person, that will help you. They can hold onto you in whatever way possible, they will strive to make you better.

The death of Robin Williams opened the eyes of a lot of people. It showed that some people feel like they are beyond saving. It showed that it can be very difficult for any person, no matter how big they smile or how much they make you laugh. It showed that, those who bring the greatest joy, often feel the deepest pain.

It showed that the disease is real, and it helped lift some of the stigma of mental illness in our country, and the world, which is staggering.

Hug someone today. Someone who is hurting, if you’re not. Realize that you matter, or tell them that they do. Don’t worry. Breathe, take it a step at a time. It’s okay to feel too much. You are not alone. You’re here, and there are so many people who don’t want you to go, including me, no matter how little I know you.

Spread the word. Spread the love. Remember that you have love, from friends and family.

Please don’t hesitate either, if you’re suffering from depression, to talk to me. Send me a message and I can be here for you if you need someone to be. If you’re afraid to talk to anyone else. I understand. And I love you.

Thank you.

-The Novice Wordsmith

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Danger: Motivation Critically Low

I’ve been trying to avoid the elephant in the room, but it’s been ever more on my mind the more I get closer to the date.

Today was going to be perfect, I had a great post I wanted to get out and write on, something I was going to make sure was filled with every thought I had on the topic. It was going to be wise and beautiful and everything I wanted it to be.

And then I was reminded about an anniversary I never wanted to acquire in the first place.

I’m not one to talk about my personal life too much on this blog. It’s typically about writing and what I’ve learned from it in the past couple of years. The obvious lessons and the subtle ones. It’s about things that have changed my life and how I write, what my style is like and how I do what I do.

But today it’s about the fact that I’m too depressed to write much of anything. Originally, it was going to be about that, too, that I’ll be taking a bit of a break this week and coming back as soon as possible. I was afraid that taking a break was going to mess up my groove of posting so much, but this week… I need the time. I need to just be able to not have commitments, because it’s going to be difficult to keep them.

I’ll try and write as much as I can anyway; the depression shouldn’t last more than just the week. It’s like a heavy rock weighing me down right now, but I can keep on, it’s just hard to.

Suppose there’s something in that, though. I try to see something in all of what I experience, how it affects my writing, what perspective or view it gives differently. When you have a heavy anniversary coming up, particularly one from a familial death or a personal tragedy, there’s a lot that can go through your mind. The worst that you can do for yourself is bottling it up. Talk to someone. Write it out and send it to yourself, file it away in something private. Do something with it, don’t let it fester.

I figured that would be best, to talk about the event, but there’s that feeling that’s just telling me not to tell that story yet. So instead, I’ll just say it’s hard to handle. The first anniversary is the worst and the hardest, but I’ve gotten through all the other milestones of a year, holidays, birthdays. I know how to handle them now, but they’re going to suck.

If you read this, thank you. If you understand, thank you even more.

-The Novice Wordsmith