Tag Archives: problems

Stubbornness vs. Rightness

In the past couple of months, I’ve been working a full time job at a very busy veterinary hospital. And when I say hospital, I mean it: it’s 24 hours, there’s urgent care staff on ’round the clock, they have an operating room, they book several surgeries a day ranging from simple (spay, neuter) to complex (mass removals, etc), and they have as many as 20 doctors employed.

It had been a job I wanted for years, literally. When I was unemployed, I applied twice, interviewed twice, and was rejected twice. I loved the idea of being up front and helping people, and being able to reach out and be part of the help they were seeking for their pet.

The problem was, despite the fact that they were so intensely, crushingly busy, and I never reacted well to that, I still took it up eagerly. It was a very quick process that left my head spinning, and my first day there was disastrous, but I was determined to stick with it. And so the second day was better, and the third, and I kept learning and getting better at what I was doing until I was turned loose as an independent part of the system.

And it got worse from there.

It is really hard for me to admit that I am absolutely bad at being under pressure in a constant cycle. I can do it when it happens every so often, I’ve found ways to handle it before, but when it springs up unexpectedly and often, it gets to me. It’s hard to handle, and I make more mistakes because I’m just trying to get through things.

I was not going to let that get in the way. I felt like it was just circumstance, and I’d get better. Even though I would come home, feeling the lack of communication with certain close friends and the huge cut in free time I had, considering moving on to a different job, I stuck it through.

Shit, I even pined for the old job I had some days, but I figured I would be fine. No big deal. It was just me having a bad day.

And then I lost the job.

On top of feeling depressed about the outcome, I felt relieved. I kept finding reasons to be okay with it. I mean, I was still flabbergasted at how out of the blue it was, the final day of my probationary period, and I was getting axed because they could do that still, but part of me was glad for it.

And it came to me yesterday, that the job really wasn’t for me. I came home from the interview (which was a simple observation for two hours) feeling the emotional drain and knowing it might be a bit much for me. The first day was nightmarish. I had been considering not saying yes to it in the beginning, but I went with it anyway because it was an opportunity, it was what I wanted.

But you have to realize that sometimes, what you think you want isn’t always going to be what fits you.

I wanted to write this to impart this wisdom on everyone, as it applies to writing and challenging yourself to genres you aren’t used to or characters you don’t do so well with, or really anything, whether it’s someone else’s suggestion for you and your wish to see it out, or your own thinking that you should be able to do something.

It is 100% okay to not be cut out for something, no matter what it is. 

Just that the hard part is convincing yourself of that, if you’re as stubborn as I am.

If something becomes too much, or it isn’t enough, or it’s just overwhelming, you reserve the right to tell it no and move on to something that feels better. Do not worry.

This pertains as much to NaNo as possible, too, considering you may be trying something new out. If it doesn’t work, find something else and jump on. Shift gears. Get comfy somehow else. You’re allowed to. It’s all part of the learning process, isn’t it?

-The Novice Wordsmith

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NaNoWriMo 2014: Week 1 Update

Holy crap, this year is so much different than last and it’s only been four days.

As soon as midnight hit, I expected to feel the same exuberance, wanting to get out every possible word I could before I had to get to sleep early for work in the morning, and just outright indulge in it. Instead, I found myself nervous, stalling, and uncertain.

My wordcount at least is keeping up with where I was last time, somewhat, but I’m going fully chronological this time and not straying from the time line. This feels more like the first year I did this event because there was a lot of uncertainty, but that year I waited until midday to start my novel, and I didn’t have a 90k win under my belt giving me a standard to work toward.

The way I’m going now at least, I may have 50k by the middle of the month. It’s not so unheard of to have people winning in the first week, but that just boggles me like crazy.

I’ve had a slew of problems, including wanting to switch novels and work on something else, not feeling confident in what I’m currently working on,  and feeling like I haven’t put any kind of thought or accuracy into language, barriers for it, and most of all, the personalities of each character.

This year is a hell of a lot tougher than last, which, honestly, makes me think of the comparison of NaNoWriMo versus marathons. The New York City Marathon in fact, was on November 2, if you didn’t hear, and I had a thought about it after hearing that some people didn’t finish it.

“Why wouldn’t you finish a marathon?” Same reason you couldn’t finish 50k words. It’s hard. There was no way of getting to it, but the thing is that you did it,  you put in a hell of a lot of effort, but in the end, you saw that you just couldn’t finish.

It is not unlike feeling like you stretched yourself too thin or that you didn’t pace yourself well enough, but it can be done. It will be, if you will it. If you find yourself needing to duck out to the side lines, don’t beat yourself up. It happens. You are not any less of a writer for it. Sometimes, we don’t have the time to commit, or the ability.

I intend to win this, though, and I know I can. Even if the wordcount updater refuses to work for me. Which, to my knowledge, they are still working on, I think, for anyone who’s curious.

Ugh. Okay. Back to writing. Happy wordcount to all who are doing this! And good luck!

– The Novice Wordsmith